Behind a Tree
by YuugisGirl
Summary: Satoshi is drunk. Daisuke is a pyro. Dark fears the flames. Krad is insanne. And Riku and Risa are their normal, incompotent selves. Co-written with my friend Sora-Sempai. CRACK-FIC. Not to be taken seriously.


**A/N: Let me start off by saying this is in no way to be taken seriously. This was written purely for kicks and grins. It is a crackfic. Say it with me! CRACK-FIC! And it is to be interpreted as such. ENJOY!!! ^^**

**1) I wrote this story with my friend, Sora-sempai, so we are sharing both the glory and the ****hate mail****. **

**2) This is utterly nonsensical—we were high on Twizzlers, cheese, and campfire fumes. We wrote this during an actual camping trip. Also, we were going to write it regularly, but then we started doing the outline and decided it was detailed enough to just leave it. **

**3) Dark and Krad have their own bodies. Why? Because we want them to. Also, Riku and Risa know about them. **

**Disclaimer: neither of us owns DNAngel, because anime just can't handle our random awesomeness! XD**

**YG: But someday, Daisuke and Satoshi shall be mine!!**

**Sora: No, mine!**

**YG: No, mine!**

**Sora: No, mine!**

**Daisuke & Satoshi: My arm!!!!**

**Zero & Yugi: What happened to us…?!**

**YG & Sora: Wrong fandom, you two! –**_**Continue fighting**_**-**

**Bakura: -**_**watches catfight intently, armed with web cam**_**-**

* * *

**Behind a Tree**

Chapter One

**(Daisuke's class is on their annual camping field trip)**

**(Separated into groups—Krad & Dark, Satoshi & Daisuke, Riku & Risa)**

Riku and Risa: _-go off on their own-_

Satoshi and Daisuke: _-build their tent right away and do…things inside- _

Krad and Dark: _-can NOT set up the tents so they ask Satoshi and Daisuke for help-_

Krad and Dark: _-Knock on their tent door- _

Satoshi and Daisuke: Just a minute…! Just a minute! JUST A MINUTE!!!!!

S&D: _- pop heads out of tent, fixing hair- _

Daisuke: What is it you want?!

Satoshi: You're interrupting our orgy!!! I mean…our…knitting!

Krad and Dark: .....

**(Riku and Risa try to find firewood and fill a bucket with water at a well)**

Risa: Ah, nature! It's all over me, get it off!!!!

Riku: -_rolls eyes_-

Risa: -_a pain_- Must! Relieve! Self!

Riku: Behind a tree, please.

Risa: You mean…OUTSIDE?!?!?!

Riku: No, the Taj Mahal. Yes, OUTSIDE!!!!

Risa: …But…it's…_dirty_ out here…

Riku: -_rolls eyes...again_- Risa, either do it here or sleep outside the tent tonight.

(**Krad & Dark and Daisuke & Satoshi decide to team up, since their campsites are right next door)**

**(K&D go search for firewood while D&S get water)**

Krad: -_constantly swatting at mosquitoes_- Damn you to hell, heathen insects!!!!

Dark: -_facepalm_- You're a moron. –_sprays bug spray all over Krad, including in his eyes_-

Krad: MY EYES!!!! –_runs into tree_-

_**Meanwhile…**_

Daisuke: -_hooks bucket onto well, then lowers_-

Satoshi: -_awkward silence_ -

Daisuke: You know… you should really get that mole on your butt cheek checked out.

Satoshi: -_blushes_- Same to you with that genital wart thing.

Daisuke: IT'S A BIRTHMARK!!!!

Satoshi: Riiiiiiiiight……………I don't believe you.

Chapter Two

_**Back at the campsite…**_

**(Dark, Krad, Satoshi and Daisuke return)**

Dark & Krad: -_failure_-

Daisuke & Satoshi: What?

Dark & Krad: Well, we couldn't find any firewood, so we just got this pinecone, is that alright?

Satoshi: -_spaz attack_- But…there are sticks, like, ALL OVER THE FCKIN GROUND!!! WTF is wrong with you guys?!

Daisuke: I knew they would find some way to screw this up, so I got us some kindling in advance! –_holds up several books, then starts piling them in the fire pit_-

Krad: Are…are those my…LOVELESSMANGAS?!?!

Daisuke: _-right away-_ No. _–nervous twitch-_

Satoshi & Dark: -_snicker_-

Satoshi: Trust me Krad, if you knew what we were doing with those, you would _not_ want them back.

Dark & Krad: -_shudder_-

Krad: In that case, keep them.

Daisuke: Burn, baby, burn!

_**Back with the girls…**_

Risa: Damn you, Riku! I had to use a leaf!!!

Riku: You're a moron priss. I'd just use my hands.

Risa: -_throws up_- So wait…that nasty taste I get in my mouth every time you cook dinner is… -_throws up again_- Ugh! It's all over my shirt!!!

Riku: -_snickers_- I was just kidding.

Risa: Fck you!

Chapter Three

_**(All six of them are at the campsite, in the evening, around the fire)**_

Risa: Let's break out the marshmallows!

Riku: Not yet. Wait until it gets dark.

Daisuke: -_pyro_ _spaz_- FIIIIIIYAAAAA!! –_gathers random stuff and throws it into fire; then goes into his tent when nothing else is available_-

Dark: Booored….

Krad: Booored….er.

Dark: Bored er er!

Krad: Bored er er er!!!

Satoshi: Will you two shut the hell up?! My head is pounding!

Daisuke: -_comes out with miscellaneous belongings, then throws them into fire with proud look_- Hehehe -_spaz attack_-

Satoshi: _-suspicious sniffs the air_- Why are you…burning all our clothes???

Daisuke: We won't need them anymore, baby. –_pets Satoshi's hair_-

Riku: …and I'm dating that guy.

Risa: -_spaz_- Let's break out the marshmallows!

Krad: Shut up bitch! You're making me hungry…

Dark: I know…-_pulls whiskey bottle out from behind him_-

Krad: YESSS!

Riku: Uh…where'd you get that alcohol?

Dark:_ -really fast- _My ass.

Riku: Excuse me?!

Dark: No, I mean really, there's a liquor store down the road from my house called Mias.

Daisuke: Wait, if we live in the same house, then how come I've never heard of tha—

Dark: SHUT UP!!

Krad: I don't care where he got it! I'm freakin parched! Gimme. –_snatches from Dark and uncorks it_-

Risa: Let's break out the marshmallows!

Everyone: SHUT THE FCK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Daisuke: -_bored with the conversation and starts throwing random things into the fire_- BURN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Riku: Hey, that's my shoe!

Krad: Watch this! –spits alcohol into the fire-

Fire: -_whoosh!!_-

Dark: -_spaz attack/ jumps away_- Gah! Get it away from me!!

Krad: -_devious smile_- Oh really… -_lights end of stick on fire and waves it in Dark's face_-

Dark: Agh! Back, back, dieeee!!

Krad: -_chases Dark around in a circle with flaming stick while all the others laugh_-

Risa: Let's break out the marshmallows!

Dark & Krad: -_stop dead in their tracks and look at each other_-

Krad: -_throws flaming stick at Risa's head_-

Chapter Four

_**Still at the fire…**_

Dark & Krad: -_sit down_-

Risa: -_freaks out running to bucket of water to douse fiery hair_-

Krad: -_takes another swig from the whiskey bottle_-

Riku: Underage drinking… -_narrows eyes_- …evil.

Satoshi: I think I'd like to try.

Daisuke: -_crosses arms_- Okay, but if you still have alcohol on your breath by the time we go to bed, I swear to God I'm leaving you.

Risa: -_comes back and sits down while soaking wet_- I hate you all…and now I'm craving marshmallows…

Krad: -_hands bottle to Satoshi_-

Satoshi: -_takes one sip_- ... -_widens eyes_- I see dead people.

Daisuke:… -_backs away-_

Dark: –_sigh_- I'm bored again. -_has idea_- Ooh! I have a totally wicked awesome idea! Let's sing a song! –_pulls acoustic guitar out from behind him_-

Risa: Where'd you get THAT one?

Dark: My crack.

Krad: WHAT?!

Dark: No, really, my favorite crack dealer also owns a musical instrument store.

Daisuke: But isn't that the guitar I gave you last Christma—

Dark: SHUT UP!! –_tunes guitar_- Now then…I call this song: the Campfire Song Song.

Daisuke: _-whispering to self-_ I knew I should've parental-blocked Nickelodeon…

Dark: _-singing-_ Let's gather 'round the campfire and sing our campfire song. Our C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song, and if you don't think that we can sing it faster than you're wrong, but it'll help if you just sing along….

Krad: Bum…Bum…Bum…

Dark: CAMPFIRESONGsong, our CAMPFIRESONGsong, and if youdon'tthinkthatwecansingitfasterthenyou'rewrong,butit'llhelpifyoujustsingalong…………..CAMPFIRESONGsong Daisuke! –_points_-

Daisuke: -_spaz_- Song! C-A-M-P-F….

Dark: Satoshi!

Satoshi: -_takes swig from bottle_-

Dark: Good! It'll help…! It'll help…! –_falls off chair and digs knees into dirt_- If you just sing aloooooooooooooong! Oh yeah! –_bashes guitar on bonfire_-

Everyone: -_claps_-

Dark: -_lifts guitar, stares at it in awe_- It's…on…FIRE!!!! –_squeals like a girl and throws it into air_-

Guitar: -_lands on Risa's head_-

Risa: HOLY SHIT WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME?!?! –_runs off to water_-

Satoshi: -_points to Risa and Riku_- (drunk voice) NOW I can tell you guys apart. Hiccup!

Daisuke: Yes! More kindling!!! Hahaha!!!

Krad: Let's…make…SACRIFICES!!!!!

Chapter Five

_**(STILL at the campfire…)**_

Everyone: Yeah!

Dark: Okay, Satoshi, I think you've had enough. It's my turn! –_takes bottle and tips it upside down_-

Bottle: -_one drip falls out_-

Dark: DAMMIT SATOSHI!!!!

Satoshi: (drunk voice) Bite me, blondie.

Daisuke: Gladly, but I'm a redhead.

Satoshi: (drunk voice) You know it!

Riku: I'm DATING A GAY GUY!

Cricket: -_chirp chirp_-

Satoshi: (gay drunk voice) Awk-ward…

Krad: Enough of this. Let us make sacrifices to the fire god, Oochichiwa! –_snatches Dark's bottle and crashes it into bonfire_-

Dark: –_inner pyro Daisuke coming out_- HELL YEAH, LET'S START BURNING STUFF!! -_grabs random white bag and throws it in the fire_-

Risa: -_back, soaking wet… again_- MY MARSHMALLOWS!! YOU BASTARD!

Satoshi: Oh my God…he…killed…KENNY!!

Daisuke: You bastard!

Risa: -_throws random doll into fire_-

Riku: DAMMIT!!! SHE DID KILL KENNY!! MY STUFFED ANIMAL COLLECTION IS RUINED!!!!

Risa: Really? I thought it was Cartman…

Daisuke: (angry, jealous lover voice) Who's Cartman? Someone I should know about?

Riku: Oh, go suck ass!

Daisuke: Satoshi's ass?

Riku: -_facepalm_-

Satoshi: Silence, peasants!!

Everyone: -_silent peasants_-

Satoshi: It is time…to make…my SACRIFICE! –_stands, begins dancing seductively and unbuttoning shirt_-

Dark: Strip tease!! Music!

Krad: -_hand over mouth_- I'm bringin' sexy back

Dark and Daisuke: Yeah!

Krad: Those mother fckers don't know how to act

Dark and Daisuke: Yeah!

Satoshi: -_throws shirt into fire_-

Fire: -_Omigod_ _omigod_ _omigod Satoshi shirt!!! Yum yum_ _yum_-

Keiji Saga: -_watching from afar with high-powered telescope_- Yes…yes!!!! Now if only Daisuke could…

Daisuke: Lemme join! You're not getting naked without me!

Keiji Saga: YES!!!!

Daisuke: -_takes shirt off and throws over Satoshi's_-

Daisuke & Satoshi: -_proceed to take off pants_-

Riku: Hey, Dark, what time is it?

Dark: It's about……three a.m.

Daisuke & Satoshi: -_in underwear_- (Koolaid man voice) Oh yeah.

Risa: -_le gasp_- We have, like, a class hike to go to in three hours.

Krad: -_nod_- Sweeeeeeet.

Epilogue

**_(Everyone fell asleep shortly after the end of chapter five. They were all in their chairs.)_**

Daisuke: (first one to wake up)-_walks over to Satoshi and starts poking him_- Satoshi…Satoshi…

Satoshi: BUTTER!

Daisuke: Wha?

Satoshi: -_belch_- My head…

Risa: -_wakes up, forgetting she is now bald_- -_epic yaawn!_-

Dark: -_sleeping with mouth ajar_- ­-_puts hand on head while asleep_- -_feels stickiness_- -_wakes up_- BIRD SHIT!!!! Ahhhhh! In my gorgeous hair!!!

Satoshi: (hangover voice) Ugh…

Krad: -_throws rock at Dark in sleep_- STFU…Mommy…-_sucks thumb_-

Daisuke: Congrats, baby. You've got that hangover glow.

Satoshi: Nyah!! Loud noises!!!

Riku: -_slowly wakes up_- What happened…last night…and why am I only wearing one shoe? And why Daisuke and Satoshi in their underwear? And why does Satoshi have a hangover? And why I have an sudden craving for marshmallows?!?!

Risa: My marshmallows!

Class hiking tour guide: And if you look to your right, you will see two naked gay boys—one of them with a hangover, a girl with one shoe, another girl that is bald, a boy with bird crap in his hair, and another boy sucking his thumb. And to our left, a squirrel.

Students: -_take pictures_-

One student: This is going straight on my fridge!

Riku: -_eyes wide_- Hey, Dark…?

Dark: …yeah…?

Riku: What time is it now?

Dark: -_looks_- 8:30.

Everyone: HOLY FCK!!!!

Fin.

0o.o0o.o0

**Author's note: Well, that's the story. We were and still are seriously cracking up at this. Again, this is YuugisGirl and Sora-sempai. While we still have some space left, let us tell you about how this idea came to us.**

**YG: -**_**sitting by campfire**_**-**

**Sora: -**_**also sitting by campfire**_**-**

**YG: We should write a fic together…like, right now…**

**Sora: Yeah.**

**YG&Sora: -**_**high from smoke from fire**_**-**

**YG: It should be something we're both familiar with.**

**Sora: Vampire Knight?**

**YG: No. House M.D.?**

**Sora: No… How about DNAngel?**

**YG: -**_**widens eyes**_**- Yes. And Satoshi could get drunk.**

**Sora: Yeah! And do a strip tease!**

**YG: Yeah! –**_**stands**_**- And Risa could lose all her hair!!**

**Sora: What is it with you and picking on Risa all the time?**

**YG: Cause she's annoying as hell.**

**Sora: Yesssssssss!!!!**

**YG: Ooh, and Dark could be scared of the fire!**

**Sora: Sweet! OOC-ness!**

**YG: And Daisuke could be a pyro!**

**Sora: Like us?**

**YG: **_**-nods- **_**Like us.**

**Later…**

**YG&Sora: -**_**in giggle fit**_**-**

**Sora's mom's cousin: …Freaks.**

**And thus, ****Behind a Tree**** was born. Hope you enjoyed it. :)**

**PS: We will leave you with a joke: What do you get when you leave Satoshi and Daisuke in the same room with a lighter and a bottle of whiskey?? **

…**Mayhem.** **And burnt genital hair.**

**:D**

**PSS: (To all the readers of YuugisGirl) This is by no means any inclination that I might be updating my other stories soon. Let's just say that the new chapters will be up as soon as hell freezes over, thaws and freezes again. Same for Sora. Sorry! Adieu.**


End file.
